I miss her smile
I miss her cheeks
I miss her kisses
I miss her warm hugs
I miss the food she used to cook
I miss her reproaches
I miss her love
I miss my mom…
I hate that I was not there when she needed someone to hold onto. She was lost within a strange world. Alone. Not able to talk about her feelings. She used to tell me that she was being alive and going through her nightmarish life, only for me. I did not know what to respond to that. I was only 14. I wish I could have given her more courage to live on, not only for me but also for herself.
I hate that she is not here when I need her most. Today, I kinda feel like, lost within a strange world. I wish if she was here to tell me how she managed to go through her nightmares. To teach me how to be more courageous when no one else stands aside to you. How to praise loneliness as your friend and play with her. How to spread only love, respect, joy and courage even if everyone else stands opposite in circle and points finger at you. I can only wish now.
But I do not want to give up. I want to live for her. I do not want her given life to be lost in a void for nothing. Just as she was holding onto all the courage for me, I want to hold onto that courage, before it will be my time to meet her again.
Until then, I am going to miss her my entire lifetime.