Weather is never going to be better

Here I am, sitting in my favourite chair at my apartment, working on my computer very remotely, listening to my favourite music and sipping hot coffee in my favourite mug.

It is cold in here. I can literally feel my cold feet. This outskirt of Bengaluru is so open space that let the wind blow freely. Trees nearby make the weather cooler than inside the city.

Recently, I have been listening to Sweaters by Ivan B. This song literally gives me chills. The very first 2 lines tell exactly what I am looking for. The more I listen to the song, I realise it is not only about me. I have to help my loved ones too with their sweaters.

Well, life has been very cold over the years. It is unfair to learn so late that the world is unfair and cold. The world owes you nothing in return, only but to freeze your mind to a stone-cold. I also have been sewing a sweater for myself. But this is one no easy to sew either. Because you know there is no easy sewing machine for this sweater. There were times I was not sure about this hand sewed sweater. Because it gets torn off very easily. But I just want to live my life and not to give in to the cold. So every time I started again, although I can sew a stronger sweater it takes even longer than the anticipation.

I know, the weather is never going to change. Never going to be better. Even if I complete the sweater, the chills always go in through hand and neck holes. But that is okay, right. Better than being stone-cold.

If you also want to listen to the song, I have embedded it for you below from Soundcloud.

For Youtube lovers here is the link – youtu.be/uB0Tzrp1fC8

And if you are into reading lyrics while listening, here it is.

I miss her

I miss her smile

I miss her cheeks

I miss her kisses

I miss her warm hugs

I miss the food she used to cook

I miss her reproaches

I miss her love

I miss my mom…

I hate that I was not there when she needed someone to hold onto. She was lost within a strange world. Alone. Not able to talk about her feelings. She used to tell me that she was being alive and going through her nightmarish life, only for me. I did not know what to respond to that. I was only 14. I wish I could have given her more courage to live on, not only for me but also for herself.

I hate that she is not here when I need her most. Today, I kinda feel like, lost within a strange world. I wish if she was here to tell me how she managed to go through her nightmares. To teach me how to be more courageous when no one else stands aside to you. How to praise loneliness as your friend and play with her. How to spread only love, respect, joy and courage even if everyone else stands opposite in circle and points finger at you. I can only wish now.

But I do not want to give up. I want to live for her. I do not want her given life to be lost in a void for nothing. Just as she was holding onto all the courage for me, I want to hold onto that courage, before it will be my time to meet her again.

Until then, I am going to miss her my entire lifetime.